EcomCity's answers to frequently asked questions Common questions asked about our services

This section is of EcomCity features answers to common questions often posed by our clients and Thinks of getting your business on the Internet?visitors. These "bits & pieces" of useful information augment our webmasters Newsflashes on ecommerce issues. IMS plans to launch a BBS service here to allow for a interchange of ideas on the future of internet commerce and real life e-business experiences. Websites by design are supposed to blend feedback from visitors into the content so this should be constantly changing and certainly in Y-2001 the widely published DotCom bombs are bringing those who do use the Internet for conducting business back down to reality. I spend countless hours consulting with new startups ventures who seek a professional to do their first web site...but don't have a bizplan or any real budget to sustain it. They just know my insight is valuable and my rates are cheaper than the competition.


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IMS webmaster seal of approval: With nearly three million domains,   is one of the world's largest ICANN-accredited domain name registrars. Launched in 2000, Dotster was among the first to offer discounted pricing. Doster full service $14.95/yr domain registration fee is lower than many lesser known domain registrars. IMS hosts many client sites for years at Dotster and highly recommends them as a trusted domain seller and low cost hosting provider.

How can I make Millions by launching a web site
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This humorous Q & A was written by Linda Cox when she was writing some articles on her experiences in the height of the .com boom. She too was a webmaster and had to field questions from one and all seeking to get on to the Internet gravy train. Her amazing straight from the heart writing style will be missed. Her site is no longer active as she's taken her own advice and moved on into other ventures.

Let's begin: the quest for riches

Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?

A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?

A: No. This is the internet.

Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?

A: Yes. This is the internet.

Q: How do I proceed?

A: As you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links that say things like "Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!" Simply click the link to get started.

Q: It won't really take ninety days though, will it?

A: Of course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn't sound like hype.

Q: Okay, I've found one that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!" Is that good?

A: Perfect.

Q: What does MLM mean?

A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it's the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it's MLM, by the time my third level is operating I'll be making $345,915.45 per week.

A: Conservatively.

Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?

A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ... uh, clients. You can switch your mother's long distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support group.

Q: That sounds a little fishy.

A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance. It's for their own good.

Q: How else can I get new business?

A: Spam. Spam. Spam.

Q: I thought spam was bad.

A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it's bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

Q: But won't I lose my web host and ISP?

A: In the get-rich-quick business, it's important to cultivate an attitude of zen-like non-attachment toward service providers.

Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?

A: Here's a list of additional suggestions:

  • Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors, clip art annimations and flashy java news feeds.
  • Join every free banner exchange or web circle jerk linking pool.
  • Get your own free-for-all links page script and spam the submitters.
  • Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.
  • Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines.
  • Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.
  • Buy software that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular free-for-all link pages.
  • Hire a bulk emailer the shaft them on the bill since they can't sue.
  • Sponsor a golf tournament or better yet hire some Kwel web firm to make you a FLASH entry page.

Q: Okay, I've done all that and I'm still not rich. I haven't even driven my hitcounter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?

A: It's possible that you're not very bright. Consult one of your friends who has retired on their internet earnings.

Q: What if I don't have any friends who have retired on their internet earnings?

A: Then contact someone on the internet who has retired on their internet earnings.

Q: What if I've never heard of anyone retiring from their internet earnings?

A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.

Q: You're pulling my leg, right?

A: Oops! Sorry, I thought FAQ stood for Facetiously Answered Questions! Never mind.

The zanny Net humor above was written by the author Linda Cox ..she has to be the the Howard Stern of Net Broadcasting. Her site was www.lindacox.com now a .com bomb.

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IMS webmaster seal of approval: With nearly three million domains,   is one of the world's largest ICANN-accredited domain name registrars. Launched in 2000, Dotster was among the first to offer discounted pricing. Doster full service $14.95/yr domain registration fee is lower than many lesser known domain registrars. IMS hosts many client sites for years at Dotster and highly recommends them as a trusted domain seller and low cost hosting provider.

Dotster gives their customers something worth clicking for: Our domain registrations include free URL forwarding, free domain parking, free SpamShield, free TransferLock, and free ownership transfers. Customers can also add features like WHOIS privacy, e-mail services, web hosting, DNS certificates, and more.   We are well known for our ability to deliver hard-to-find domain names and unique domain extensions such as .MD. They treat customers like family, and offer superior online account management tools and dedicated support from our customer care team in Washington state.

...

The REAL secret to your online success is ...YOU!
For every false start, there need only be one that is true
for every idea not pursued, denies the entrepreneur in you. 


The most important criteria as to whether you 'make it' or not, is simply YOUR ATTITUDE and treating it like a real business. All other factors are secondary and really don't mount any henderence to online success! Take time to make, or have made for you, a site that even you would buy from. Have a e-business plan..fund it.. and then work & revise that plan daily based upon customer feedback!

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Welcome to IMS the experienced source for all your web work projects

Review our services and shop safely from our hand picked merchants. Above all enjoy your visit....and all attemps at humor.

If you can read this whole story without tears of laugher running down your  cheeks then there's no hope for you! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an  inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I  happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,  besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I  accepted". Here are the scorecards from the event:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2--Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.!!!!rotflol.gif (4013 bytes)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2--Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me
more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out ones taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
was standing behind me with fresh refills. She is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks!!rotflol.gif (4013 bytes)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices
and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I crapped myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili
peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about
Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like crap to match my
shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole
in my stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell
over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure he's going
to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.....rotflol.gif (4013 bytes)

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Technology in tune with your needs as this Desktop PC comes in a highly expandable Microtower Form factor with an Intel Core 2 Duo E7400 2.80GHz processor, 4GB DDR2 800 (PC2-6400) expandabe to 12 GB memory, two 500GB SATA II hard drives which give you a total of 1TB, DVD-RW Lightscribe optical drive & burner, multimedia card reader, dual monitor & HD TV support, RAID 1 Mirroring support and HP Power Manager. Several ports, slots and bays give you the expansion features that you will need.  Enhanced audio and visual experience ... Enjoy high-quality digital audio and enhanced image clarity with the sophisticated digital audio architecture, DX-10 graphics and the Intel G45 Express Chipset with Intel Graphics Media Accelerator X4500HD for even 3D Cad and high end gaming requirements. Help protect your critical business data even further with features such as the pre-installed HP Backup and Recovery Manager. Also shown Dell Optiplex GX520 Desktop Computer

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